A trip to the Vets

It started out an ordinary day..bland food and a wee up the water butt. Little did I know that I was in for an odd morning. Hi, I am Henry, a lovable greyhound, 4 years old, blue in colour and very very placid, normally!
My dad lured me into the car..a dirty trick to play. A car to a dog means walks, fun in the park and...being able to smear mucus on the clean windows.
I haven't been at this address very long...a couple of months. I was a racing greyhound and I am now retired from all that bunny stuff...only to find myself with a family of bunny boilers! I shacked up with the lovely Joan in the rescue kennels and a romance started straight away. We were there a few months, hanging out, licking each other and chilling...we were both glad that this family adopted us both..us dogs have got to stick together, you know what I mean?
Anyhow, in the car...we pull up outside a bulding..no sweat..we get out of the car..no sweat...we enter the building, smell disenfectant..lots of sweat! I remember this smell when some strange guy robbed my purse..if you get my drift. My bark has since elevated and I find myself admiring soft furnishings.
Various mutts pant and look tense in the waiting room and the jar of free bikkies is no smoother for canine anguish. A very smiley,polished receptionist, or should that be deceptionist, welcomes in all who can pay and my wait on death row has started..one strange puppy attempts to smell and lick me in an uncool manly way. The odour of nervous animals and medical whiffs make this a stange place to hang out...no bedding..water bowl..some of the bitches in the posters on the walls are HOT! A cruel irony considering my manhood has been tampered with, how sick!
I am led into the office with a rubber table.
The vet greets me with a plastic grin and empty words of comfort as he twags his rubber glove and squeezes a liberal amount of gunk onto one finger. Wheres he gone now I thought...OOOHHHH! That was unexpected...tail up and a digit is in my ...well...he never even got to know me first...Wow that was smarting and I told him in so many..growls. 'Ye's he said, 'prostate trouble'....'needs a ultra sound'...yeah mate, you'd be making ultra sounds if a giant barged into your home without ringing the doorbell...if you know what I mean...
Appointment booked and back out to reception...money exchanges hands...if thats what they charge for the one finger I wouldnt like to be an owner of a horse and have to pay for an arms worth!
Back in the car and a hasty exit....get me out of here and back to my duvet...where the world is good and safe and smells bad in a good way. How am I supposed to keep upright in this damn car when you keep turning corners...no wonder there is so many smears all over windows...a dogs nose makes a great stabiliser when pressed into glass.
I tell Joan all about my epic adventure..but she didn't really listen..one eye open, she just thought I was after her warm spot on the bed. Typical. A bitch doesnt know the humiliation..her time will come.
No point holding a grudge, especially before tea..I need a soft bed, more so than usual....