Night time sucks.

Its been ages..totally forgot to write the dog blog....Hi..Joan here again. I wish to complain that the warm metal thing on the wall seems to become very cold at night and I have to leap oto my owners bed, only to be booted off again by a toe up the shitsu.
Humans have no idea what its like to sleep on the floor, unless there homeless or drunk...or both. Its cold and hard and not much fun. Still, I get my own back when 6am comes and I whine that song that means get up or I will pee on your axminster....revenge is sweet!

Sofa not so good!

Hi...Ok, we look cute on the sofa, all snuggled up with cushions and yes perhaps we do look as if we are human for a mo..but PLEASE...Why the photos?! We are not some celeb caught along the Old Kent Road in our tracksuits in dark glasses, we are just having a nap..its what our dogs do..now we know what Lassie must have had to put up with, going into pet shops under cover...snood up!
Theres nothing else for it but to get down and go upstairs away from the bright lights..why must society always want a part of you...I blame the media. Joan x

Biscuits

Theres something rather unfair about human biscuits. Theres always look much tastier and more colourful than ours. I have to lower myself to beg for a corner of a jammy dodger, unless I get lucky a I can nick an unattended bikkie off the plate.Today is a wet and grey sunday..time to watch a feel good movie or eat thick soup, apparently. I prefer a pigs ear and a big fat duvet. Not sure if I want to go out today..Joan does, she is always up for a walk. I always look like a greased up ferret when I return from a wet walk...not cool. Neither is a day glow yellow dog coat..but we wont mention that..yet.

Cold and windy up dads shed

Hi...Henry here..I have been up the shed with my dad, who is painting some weird picture on his easil. I quite like the smell of the wood and the sounds of his old radio. I would like to say we bond in that wooden kennel but he hardly notices me on the floor..on the flatest dog bed in the house. I suppose it gives me quality time with my dad..something every dog needs. Joan doesnt really like it up the shed...she just parades herself up and down the garden restlessley..only coming in when a chink of space opens up on the bed.
I wish dad would paint me..aren't I beautiful enough? I never know whether or not to follow dad back to the house for his wee breaks or sit it out patiently in the shed for his return..would he think I wanted to have the shed all to myself if I stayed? I always follow him about, like a shadow. I think he likes that, makes him feel wanted. I love my dad..and my dad loves me.x

My Say

Hi everyone. My name is Joan, a rather pretty but fiesty greyhound who knows her mind! Dogs always moan at such little problems...us bitches are much tougher, eh girls?!
I have spent a contented day on the sofa and my bed, my favourite hobbies. I love a walk/run more than Henry and look forward to my mum coming home to give me a good runaround. Dad is off work at the mo with dodgy knee so he is no use to me, I much prefer my mum. Henry is far too soft and he needs to toughen up. I have just had tea and surprised to see that no extra sardines were popped on the top, the liberty..I shall spend the next few hours ignoring him and looking very disappointed.
Must go now and unsettle Henry who has just taken the best dog bed behind my back..time to be a bitch!

New beds

Today we have new beds...duvets to be exact!

A trip to the Vets

It started out an ordinary day..bland food and a wee up the water butt. Little did I know that I was in for an odd morning. Hi, I am Henry, a lovable greyhound, 4 years old, blue in colour and very very placid, normally!
My dad lured me into the car..a dirty trick to play. A car to a dog means walks, fun in the park and...being able to smear mucus on the clean windows.
I haven't been at this address very long...a couple of months. I was a racing greyhound and I am now retired from all that bunny stuff...only to find myself with a family of bunny boilers! I shacked up with the lovely Joan in the rescue kennels and a romance started straight away. We were there a few months, hanging out, licking each other and chilling...we were both glad that this family adopted us both..us dogs have got to stick together, you know what I mean?
Anyhow, in the car...we pull up outside a bulding..no sweat..we get out of the car..no sweat...we enter the building, smell disenfectant..lots of sweat! I remember this smell when some strange guy robbed my purse..if you get my drift. My bark has since elevated and I find myself admiring soft furnishings.
Various mutts pant and look tense in the waiting room and the jar of free bikkies is no smoother for canine anguish. A very smiley,polished receptionist, or should that be deceptionist, welcomes in all who can pay and my wait on death row has started..one strange puppy attempts to smell and lick me in an uncool manly way. The odour of nervous animals and medical whiffs make this a stange place to hang out...no bedding..water bowl..some of the bitches in the posters on the walls are HOT! A cruel irony considering my manhood has been tampered with, how sick!
I am led into the office with a rubber table.
The vet greets me with a plastic grin and empty words of comfort as he twags his rubber glove and squeezes a liberal amount of gunk onto one finger. Wheres he gone now I thought...OOOHHHH! That was unexpected...tail up and a digit is in my ...well...he never even got to know me first...Wow that was smarting and I told him in so many..growls. 'Ye's he said, 'prostate trouble'....'needs a ultra sound'...yeah mate, you'd be making ultra sounds if a giant barged into your home without ringing the doorbell...if you know what I mean...
Appointment booked and back out to reception...money exchanges hands...if thats what they charge for the one finger I wouldnt like to be an owner of a horse and have to pay for an arms worth!
Back in the car and a hasty exit....get me out of here and back to my duvet...where the world is good and safe and smells bad in a good way. How am I supposed to keep upright in this damn car when you keep turning corners...no wonder there is so many smears all over windows...a dogs nose makes a great stabiliser when pressed into glass.
I tell Joan all about my epic adventure..but she didn't really listen..one eye open, she just thought I was after her warm spot on the bed. Typical. A bitch doesnt know the humiliation..her time will come.
No point holding a grudge, especially before tea..I need a soft bed, more so than usual....